Nothing has changed. Four months and I'm still with Kyle, still working at CW, and smoking pot. So much pot. We just got some black haze and bubblegum. So delicious.

:]

has begun.

I moved out and now on my own. I'm living with my boyfriend, Kyle. Things are hard. A lot harder then I ever expected them to be. I moved about 45 minutes away and I deleted my MySpace. I decided I wanted a fresh start where people didn't know me for the less-than-honorable things I've done. No one checks up on me, no one can lurk me, I'm completely free of any sort of past drama.

I don't have my own thing here though. I'm basically just living off my boyfriend's social life. And smoking a lot of pot. Oh my god, I smoke so much. Its okay though. I'm really happy with him. I'm not sure if I'm happy with everything, but as far as Kyle goes, he's incredible. When I kiss him and close my eyes, I forget everything that's going on.

Davey called me though. He's getting married. We left things unfinished almost and while I don't want him back, it feels like another door from the past is closing. I'll wonder 'what if' in the back of my mind, but I love Kyle and I told him this. Kyle is the only guy I've ever been comfortable doing anything around. I can kiss him with open eyes and enjoy it. He easily the best lay I've had :). All in all, this is the best relationship I've had.

I think I might be smoking too much though. Towards the end of each night, I'm getting kind of burned out. I'm toking the last of this evening's bowl in an attempt to quench the unsettling feeling related to Davey. Sigh.


Peace and Love.

that police have better things to do then arrest people for, not drugs, but drug paraphernalia. Honestly, it was just a bowl with barely, if any, resin in it. But, the cops acted like they found a kilo of cocaine. Arrested and my car was impounded. Now my driver's license may be suspended. Meanwhile, I could go molest little kids and get probation and still have a driver's license. Molesting kids =/= smoking a fucking bowl of pot.

Whatever, the search was illegal anyways and I'm sure it will be dismissed, but its the point. The point that the cops really need to start doing work and find the crack dens of our city.


:)

that use the adjective 'trippy'

So. Fucking. Annoying.

I don't know what do to.
Jamie and I hung out. I just felt numb yesterday so it was a bit odd. We found a place where a lot of snails gather and I don't know... i just felt bad for some of them. Like, a couple were paired together and I think that its cute. But for the ones alone... I just wanted to take them home and give them company. I hate seeing animals alone. People have more control over their solitude which is why I don't feel as bad. I'm so weird.

Then I got home and Nick was all =[ about not hanging out so I told him to come and pick me up if he wanted. He did. We went back to his house, watched South Park and a bad ass show called JPOD. Its something from Canada that is similar to Weeds here. It was cool. We cuddled, kissed, and joked. I forgot about everything for once and just relaxed. It was my midnight adventure.

Jamie's leaving later. I hope being away does her some good. She needs it :D

Mm, I finally talked to Amber, I honestly though she hated me over something I didn't do.
Everything is fine. She's a sweetheart.

You know, I really am a Bret Michael's fan. Like, its nice to know that guys get hurt. I don't know. I wonder who I've really hurt... everyone just seems to kinda get over me. It sucks. One day I'll try to leave the right guy and he won't let me. Thats how I'm going to know hes the one. Gay, It is me.

I found a way to steal the sun from the sky
Lonely that day, I decided to fly from the inside.

I love that song. It just is a nice reminder that you make your own happiness no matter what happens. :)

Tonight is going to be good.

Nick is coming over! I think we are going to have a sunset picnic by the beach =D
I am going to give him a shot. We talked all night last night and he just said things that took my breath away.
I'm not sure how I feel, but you never know until you try.... and not too many people take my breath away.
Haha, Im sooo gay.

I think I might try to get into the Paul Mitchell school over in Tampa or maybe in Orlando. I don't think I could really be okay in Orlando. I mean, there would be a chance of running into Davey and friends. I can't take another heartbreak.

Though, Im getting my GED soon. It feels good that my mom is backing me on everything. I can't wait to go off to school. I wanna see the world, and right now, I feel like my dreams are right in my hands and I love it.

Mae admitted that everything she said to me was a lie. Its all good. I don't really care anymore. I'm sure people still talk about me.. like I'm 'annoying' and a 'whore', but everyone is a whore in some way. Maybe mine is sex, and yours is trends. Oh well.

I actually like myself for once.
I like who I am
and what I've become
I'm finally okay with all of my choices
and I'm meeting people who actually understand me and accept me for mine




Everything is looking up =)